Donald Cristobal

Best friends established in 2004.
I miss him a lot.
I love you, Don!

Spring

Spring time aint the time to get sprung.
over it.




My favorite season. My time to shine. My court. My rules. My game.


Dear 2009,
You gave me no clues, no rules, no map. You've left it up to me to discover what you truly have hidden. You've thrown in contradicting signs and you've masked potholes. But nothing, nothing will stop me. 2008 taught me well. I can only become stronger & wiser. Consequence is no coincidence. I am an independent individual who strives for nothing but the best. 2009. You've began your challenges. And I'm ready to fight until the end. Do or die - I will claim victory. No matter what. Bring people in, take people out - my goal is overcoming my insecurities. I will not stray away.



2009, bring it. I dare you.



-Kathleen

Rest in heaven

To a life cut short of living...

How is it possible that I could be effected as much as I am to a person that I've never even met only heard stories of? Is it because we're family? Is it because we share the same blood? Is it because that same family lost their father, my uncle, only this past December? Is it because he was the youngest of four and the only boy? Or is it because he was only two months younger than me? Or maybe... maybe it's because there was alcohol involved. Or it could be because I hate seeing Grandma cry. --- Slammed onto a cemented wall, the van was completely totaled. Smashed between a wall and the rest of the van, it took 3 hours to get him out. He spent another 3 days in Intensive Care struggling to breathe through the all the tubes injected into his flesh. Damaging his small intestines, paralyzed from the waist down and God only knows what else - he was taken. Taken away from family and friends.. but reuniting with those who past away before. I remember Kuya DJ mentioning that we should meet our cousin, Dave or David 'cause he was pretty cool - funny & has that Robeniol humor in him. ... and because he was my age. One of the few cousins around my age.

"I'm gonna go home now."
"How are you getting home?"
"I'm driving."
"You aren't driving."
"No, Kat. I'm fine. Trust me."

I've had this exact conversation a good 7 times, maybe even more. I've never told anyone this, but it's one of the things I Hate most. I rarely use the word Hate simply because of how much strength it carries with it. But this is probably makes top 5. [if there is even 5 things. I'm not gonna spend time on that.] David's death only gives me another reason to continue believing what I believe. How are you gonna tell me that you're driving home when you and I were claiming we were drunk only 15 minutes before.? How are you gonna tell me that you're driving home when only an hour before I see a drink in your hand? If you want to increase your chances of dying because of reckless decision making REGARDLESS of the distance you have to travel, so be it. But don't say "Bye" to me & give me a hug or a kiss on the cheek and expect me to not say anything to you. I hate it and I hope you never forget that.

Two MONTHS younger.
And the only time I'd ever get to meet him is when I die.

Rest In Heaven, Cousin. Watch over the rest of us - especially all the younger ones. Your life will be treasured & remembered always. Tell everyone up there I say Hi & that I miss them. I'll see you soon... I love you

Lil Wayne says...

If you leave, you leave the best
so you would have to settle for less.

Keep your mouth closed and let your eyes listen.

I'm the one who has to die when it comes time for me to die
so let me live my life the way I want to.

I know you prolly wish you never met me
but I just hope you never forget me.

I listen to her heartbeat
cause it plays my favorite song.

& I swear to everything when I leave this earth,
it's gonna be on both feet never knees in the dirt.

You think you fresh shyyyt; -- I'm ripee.

There aint nothin' gon stop me so just envy it.

Take them shoes off your teeth
&& stop runnin' your mouth!

I don't want a broken heart; cause I'll lose all the pieces.

You can love me or hate me,
I swear it won't make me or break me.

I'm not hot, I'm great.

Got more ice than a super sized drink


-------

Whoever says Lil Wayne is whack must be mistaken. Homeboy's a genius, freal. Some of these quotes are favorite-d purely for entertainment purposes and others are 'cause it truly is deep shit.

More than just a hair cut

After 6 amazing years of long hair, I decided to finally accept change. This "change" is a big deal to me. Some say that it's just a hair cut, but it means more to me than you'll ever know. My long hair was my only shield. My long hair was my lowkey defense mechanism. It protected me - every aspect of me. It was a part of me that also reminded me things were going to be okay. Auntie Gie had long hair. Auntie Connie had long hair. Full, vibrant & everything but ordinary. To me, cutting off my hair was a stepping stone. A new me, a stronger me. A girl who chose to stop being afraid of the world. A girl who now allows change into the life she lives. All of my insecurities were attached to those 10+ inches of my hair they cut off. But now, now I've decided to grow up. I've decided to live my life - this way. Having short hair opens up the opportunity to build my self esteem, to become a stronger, more independent individual, a girl who can stand up on her own two feet, make the right decisions & deal the consequences.

Not gonna lie though, it's HELLA weird having short hair. I practically have nothing to shampoo or condition anymore. No more use for a curling iron, only a straightner. And as for "doing my hair" - the only thing I know how to do with it, is put it in my pomp. -_- ahah hmph, time for experimenting I suppose? Ohhh this'll be interesting. [x Well, until next time ... Short hair, don't care.!

Rest in peace

to a life that showed nothing but a promising future only to be robbed and cut short of the chance to explore its horizons and expand its understanding of the complex feature we call living.



It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation.
Watching who stays and who doesn't.




Taking a life never seemed so easy.
It's as if the robber just got robbed.

Life promise, broken.

"Things fall apart, only to come together in a different way."
Helpful words from one of my best friends.

"If I had it my way, I'd listen to music and think all day. Can't focus. Help me."
copyright: Danielle Jasmine [hellodeejae]


College. A place of polishing & redefining.
No matter where I go, no matter what I say, no matter what I do. Reality finds a door to break down.... and this weekend, it's managed to rip straight out of my hands one of the only things that kept me happy. It's managed to convince me to break one of the top promises I've kept for myself. It's bombarded my mind, my thoughts, my feelings and rapped every single aspect of who I thought I was. The worst part: it's skinned my entirety to reveal my insecurities. The best part: it reminded me of how weak I am.

I can't remember the last time it hurt to be this lost. Weak. Physicially. Mentally. Emotionally. Struggling to cope. And the only option left: accept reality. What the fuck is this!? Breaking & it isn't pretty. Low point = now. FML? Yes. Front? As always.



I just wish it didn't have to come down to this shit.

Half assed blogs

I need to stop half assing my blogs. There's a couple saved through drafts & an entire list of topics that do nothing but bombard my mind. I know "blogging" shouldn't be a priority to me on my long list of responsibilities, but I don't see it as blogging, I see it as an opportunity for me to breathe. It's one of the only things I know how to do right. It's one of the things I know how to do for myself. I love writing and I think it's one of the most original ways to express one's true thoughts and feelings.

I've been fortuneate enough to be going through a rough time. I love these times, as much as I may complain and wish it weren't happening to me, I'm secretly excited about having the chance to show my true colors and to show how much I've matured after each experience. [: Lucky for me, time has had no mercy. It's crunch time, finals week or rather... finals day, tomorrow.. Monday. I've gotta re-teach myself Stats chapters 7 through 9, do a study guide for Stats, rewrite 2 essays, write 1 essay, and write my final essay. Yummm... essays!! -__- bahaha and on top of that... practice. ... kinda.

Ugh, that's another thing! My back. It's improving, but... I can still feel it and it hurts whenever I make a wrong move. And let's just say... I've been finding out those wrong moves a lot lately. -_-

Self realization through Barkada Modern

This past weekend has really been an eye-opener and self realization. This past weekend I was able to share something that I've kept inside me for a majority of my life with the people I've been able to call my true genuine family - a family away from home. In fact, this family brings with them not a house but a home. It introduced me to different part of myself, one that is able to trust completely, one that isn't afraid of being judged by the experiences she goes through. My appreciation for each and every individual on the team whether they were present at the retreat or not has escalated to a level I didn't know existed. My respect for everyone is long lasting and will never cease to build stronger. I know I mentioned a few specific names when I was talking to the group and I want you to know that I meant every single word from the bottom of my heart to the top. Barkada Modern as a whole, you all saved my life. Thank you doesn't even seem to compare how much you all really and truly mean to me. That's why... when we were in our small groups and were asked the question to describe BMod in one word... the first word that came to my mind was life. Regardless if I make the team again during the Fall, being a part of this family has made my first year in college bearable and I will always love you all for that. From our very first social walking into a home we thought was Neil's to making memories at retreat, you all have a special place in my heart and I will never forget you.

Because of my recklessness this past weekend at retreat, I am now left with no other choice than to deal with the consequences. I fell. And now my lower back muscles are bruised and the pain just keeps getting worse. I tried ignoring it, but the pain flowed up and down my back and I seriously thought I did something to my spine. Luckily, they did x-rays and there was no damage to my spine. However, because the pain is so strong and my back muscles are bruised to its fullest, I was put on 3 different pain killers that put me to sleep like a baby. Thinking that the pain was enough for a consequence, the doctor comes into the room, gives the diagnosis and then further tells me that I should not be dancing or bending over for the next couple of weeks. I wanted to cry. I hated myself for being so reckless. Not being able to dance, KNOWING we have performances and competitions until the month of May. I mean, honestly I just got over the fact that I won't be able to participate with my team at the Vent Awards this weekend. THIS WOULD'VE BEEN MY FIRST PERFORMANCE WITH EVERYONE IN FRONT OF THE DANCE WORLD. ughh. I'm complaining now cause I know right after I let everything out, I'm just gonna have to deal with it and accept reality. Sweet life. -_x

Hell week day 5 was at the studio. After doing my homework and whatnot, the team asks everyone to watch and help clean. After I watched the first run through, I couldn't move. Frozen & speechless I stood there. Amazed. Amazed at how much this group of people grew. Amazed at this is my team, these are my teammates. I stood there and some of them saw. I wasn't the only one speechless. Jackie was too. And trust... it's pretty difficult to get Jackie to be speechless. Second run through came and it was brought to a completely different level. The energy, the vibe, the family... You can just tell from straight off the bat.. that you were performing FOR EACH OTHER. The love that was in the air, the passion that showed in each move, everything from the facials to adapting to each choreographer and their style... the whole package.. it was ALL there. I wish I could be there with you all tonight and tomorrow night when you show EVERYONE what Barkada Modern is about but unfortuneately there are things that get in the way of that. I really hope I get better reeal soon because Sportsfest isn't looking all to well either. But I'm praying each night that I get better ASAP to be able to perform with you guys at World of Dance, Fusion, Ultimate Brawl and all the other shows we have lined for up us.