Self realization through Barkada Modern

This past weekend has really been an eye-opener and self realization. This past weekend I was able to share something that I've kept inside me for a majority of my life with the people I've been able to call my true genuine family - a family away from home. In fact, this family brings with them not a house but a home. It introduced me to different part of myself, one that is able to trust completely, one that isn't afraid of being judged by the experiences she goes through. My appreciation for each and every individual on the team whether they were present at the retreat or not has escalated to a level I didn't know existed. My respect for everyone is long lasting and will never cease to build stronger. I know I mentioned a few specific names when I was talking to the group and I want you to know that I meant every single word from the bottom of my heart to the top. Barkada Modern as a whole, you all saved my life. Thank you doesn't even seem to compare how much you all really and truly mean to me. That's why... when we were in our small groups and were asked the question to describe BMod in one word... the first word that came to my mind was life. Regardless if I make the team again during the Fall, being a part of this family has made my first year in college bearable and I will always love you all for that. From our very first social walking into a home we thought was Neil's to making memories at retreat, you all have a special place in my heart and I will never forget you.

Because of my recklessness this past weekend at retreat, I am now left with no other choice than to deal with the consequences. I fell. And now my lower back muscles are bruised and the pain just keeps getting worse. I tried ignoring it, but the pain flowed up and down my back and I seriously thought I did something to my spine. Luckily, they did x-rays and there was no damage to my spine. However, because the pain is so strong and my back muscles are bruised to its fullest, I was put on 3 different pain killers that put me to sleep like a baby. Thinking that the pain was enough for a consequence, the doctor comes into the room, gives the diagnosis and then further tells me that I should not be dancing or bending over for the next couple of weeks. I wanted to cry. I hated myself for being so reckless. Not being able to dance, KNOWING we have performances and competitions until the month of May. I mean, honestly I just got over the fact that I won't be able to participate with my team at the Vent Awards this weekend. THIS WOULD'VE BEEN MY FIRST PERFORMANCE WITH EVERYONE IN FRONT OF THE DANCE WORLD. ughh. I'm complaining now cause I know right after I let everything out, I'm just gonna have to deal with it and accept reality. Sweet life. -_x

Hell week day 5 was at the studio. After doing my homework and whatnot, the team asks everyone to watch and help clean. After I watched the first run through, I couldn't move. Frozen & speechless I stood there. Amazed. Amazed at how much this group of people grew. Amazed at this is my team, these are my teammates. I stood there and some of them saw. I wasn't the only one speechless. Jackie was too. And trust... it's pretty difficult to get Jackie to be speechless. Second run through came and it was brought to a completely different level. The energy, the vibe, the family... You can just tell from straight off the bat.. that you were performing FOR EACH OTHER. The love that was in the air, the passion that showed in each move, everything from the facials to adapting to each choreographer and their style... the whole package.. it was ALL there. I wish I could be there with you all tonight and tomorrow night when you show EVERYONE what Barkada Modern is about but unfortuneately there are things that get in the way of that. I really hope I get better reeal soon because Sportsfest isn't looking all to well either. But I'm praying each night that I get better ASAP to be able to perform with you guys at World of Dance, Fusion, Ultimate Brawl and all the other shows we have lined for up us.