The broken compass

Blurred by my own vision, it's difficult to see. As I struggle to see the beauty I know is there, I can't help but feel my soul lost within itself. My mind, captivated by the sorrows and worries of my past, seem to be creeping up into my future. With my heart still attached to the pain you've put me through, I can't help but to feel as if it were an engraving which you have made that can never be undone. All in crayon, never to be erased. Just like that- you carved your mistake into my wooden heart, left there to always remind me of what can happen if I'm not careful. Yet, pain is an experience that one should always look forward to. Without pain, what is happiness? Without struggle, what is growth? Without disappointment, what is love? Without defeat, what is victory? Fighting until the end. I've allowed myself to be consumed by the thought of my past that it hinders the potential we both have within us. I've managed to build walls tall enough to block out the sunlight and strong enough that it seems even impossible for me to bring down. These walls corner me in; eventually all looking exactly the same impairing my ability to distinguish north from south, east from west, left from right. With my soul lost, my mind blurred and my heart blinded I continue to struggle. Doing this on my own - taking my life seems too easy. The thoughts race through my mind but I start to feel too selfish. Honestly. Don't worry about me. The responsibility lays solely on my shoulders and the burdens I choose to carry. The only thing I ask for, is for you not to feel responsible. This is a personal problem that I've dealt with before and all I want is for you to trust me completely. I might be weak but I'm strong enough to realize it isn't worth my life. I'm holding on. I'm hanging in there. I'm living for those who haven't left. I'm thankful for you and you and you and you and you. All of you have shown me that as lost as I may be... I know I have you guys there, watching over me. Don't think your presence is going unrecognized because quite frankly... I owe you my life, each and every one of you. Again.. don't worry. I'll be okay.. I'll find my strength eventually... just let me do this on my own. I'll find my way... even with this broken compass.